I recorded six songs this past year for my debut EP Beyond the Fallout that relate to my story and all that God has done in my life. In reality, these songs are only a small reflection. I want to share my heart in hopes of encouraging others who are facing hard times.
I’m reading through the journal I wrote when my marriage fell apart, hoping to bring closure to my past, and in doing so, share the journey with you. The first few entries reflect my shock at the situation I was facing. I have to be honest, it was filled with anxiety. I didn’t know where the finances would come from. I didn’t know if my marriage could be saved. Was there any way to come back from what happened. Looking back, I didn’t know what life was going to look like. I couldn’t imagine where life was headed. I was thrown into being a single Mom with six children and the aftermath of poor choices that were not my own.
I wrote a song, called Where do I go from Here. It’s not on the EP, but the lyrics said how I felt like I had been rocketed into outer space with no gravity; no place to put my feet. I felt like I was floating in darkness. Another analogy in the song, reflected how I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean treading water, and wherever I tried to swim it just splashed back in my face. The big question became…where do I go from here God?
So, when it’s not okay…when life is in pieces, when you feel like circumstances are out of your control, what then? As, I read through my past and the feelings bubble up again, I am reminded that it’s one minute, one hour, and one day at a time. We don’t always have easy fixes and the things we have to face can be giant. It is okay to be lost. It is okay to not have a clue what tomorrow will bring. Embracing the reality that things are out of our control means that we can finally surrender and open our hearts to God’s ever present love. I am reminded of a favourite verse, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105 (NIV) It’s not a headlight shining into the future. It’s okay not to know what tomorrow will bring, but to trust him for today; for this very moment. He will show the way a little at a time. I want to encourage you to trust Him today. I know where I was then and where I am now. He is worthy of our trust and He loves you, He will guide you one step at a time.
I've added the track to my song "Where Do I Go?". It is a raw recording from my living room. As I go through my journal and songs, from that time, I would like to share some now and then as they relate to my story. The songs helped me through the tough times and it's time to take a few out of my music box. I hope they help you and encourage you in the same way.